Soooooooo much to say, yet nothing comes out right

There’s soooo much going on that I can’t tell anyone because they wouldn’t understand. It’s such a burden to keep it all in my heart. 

I thought we were close but I was wrong

Living under the pressures you give me is not fun

If I could go back in time, my decision to stay in your like would not have changed. The only thing I would change, is that fight. The fight that put us on two separate paths. Other than that, I have no regrets of being your sister for 5 years. You’ve done your job as a brother, we treated each other like real family. I wish we could stay as a family forever, but things have changed…… What you have done for me in the past 5 years is something I will NEVER be able to pay back. 

I miss calling you brother

I miss going everywhere with you, having our little sibling time

I miss you calling me “little girl”

I miss how you treated me like a little girl

I miss how you spoil me

I miss how you would be there for me when I am sad

I miss how you were just on the phone listening to me cry for half an hour

I miss how you would not let me get into any trouble

I miss how you loved me as your very own sister

I miss how you protected me like your baby sister

I miss how you would not let others touch me

I miss how you did not want me to date

I miss how you were afraid that I’d get hurt

I miss how you didn’t want me to get hurt

I miss sitting in your car 

I miss how you played my favorite song every time I’m in your car

I miss how you used to come to my house all the time 

I miss how we used to skype till 5 A.M

I miss how I can always go to you for anything

I miss how you were always there

I miss how you said you are my brother forever

I miss eating pho with you

I miss how you yelled at me when I did something wrong

I miss how you taught me many lessons I wouldn’t learn anywhere else

This list can go on forever… but seriously, I miss you and I miss how things used to be..

It’s not that I can’t let go of the past, It’s just that I am not used to being alone. 

I’ve gotten used to having a brother by my side nagging me all the time. 

But regardless of how we are now, I truly do wish you the best. May the stars I gave you bring you the best of all.